Read a few papers right now, pasting the results here. Feel free to share your own newspaper entries. Some repeat entries ommitted.
"Novel Syndermata Mutations Drive Increased Mortality Across the United Americas Regions" Studies in Syndermata Vol. 486: 1-84 217.0.08.12E*
ABSTRACT: Novel observations of Syndermata phenology in high mortality Biodomes across the United Americas Region (UAR) suggest continued Standard Edits experimentation despite a worldwide ban by the United Continental Council (UCC). Due to the atmospheric residence time of airborne Syndermata larva and proximity of increased mortality, we hypothesize that illegal Standard Edit experiments appear to originate in the central UAR region. However, the true extent of distribution for these new Syndermata varieties requires additional research, as new phenological variations appear to not only increase the efficacy of bronchial burrowing (30%-64%) and mature size (105%-221%) leading to an increase in mortality, but also bolster atmospheric residence time and facilitating additional distribution during the airborne larval phase. The resulting Syndermata mutations have been difficult to observe in-situ (n=32, n=41, and n=51) however our results strongly suggest these novel mutations are significantly different from any Syndermata seen in the last three hundred years (p<0.05).
Top Lockpickers (Career)
Character
Locks Picked
1.) Set o Lockpicks 4,019
2.) Glueman 1,289
3.) Rothery 1,069
4.) Aaida 1,050
5.) Mockfjärdsvapnet 1,024
6.) Mr Dalliard 1,018
7.) Mika 1,012
8.) Abijah the Twice-named 1,011
9.) Your crazy twin 1,011
10.) Bob Ross 1,010
[The Choral Forest is calling....]
Top Repairmen (Breath)
Character
Items Repaired
1.) Brigitte 26
2.) Recette Lemongrass 25
3.) Black Gold Of The Sun 25
4.) Johne 24
5.) Yurrd 22
6.) Aloy 22
7.) Glaceon 22
8.) Marcia 21
9.) Erehlim 21
10.) Cerinthus 20
Needed: Construction workers... Urgent hiring. Good pay and benefits.
Top Repairmen (Career)
Character
Items Repaired
1.) a black-footed ferret 9,135
2.) Father Christmas 7,719
3.) A pair of doorknocking Mormons 4,851
4.) The Collector 4,609
5.) Signed 3,579
6.) Tamamo 3,527
7.) Deathpoint 2,888
8.) a tiny grasshopper 2,753
9.) An Animated Factory 2,685
10.) Jabril 2,586
"Meta-Analysis of Historic Conditions Contributing to Modern Syndermata Susceptibility" Anthropogenic History Progress Series Vol. 609: 21-53, 1.0.08.30E*
ABSTRACT: Humanity has reaped the benefits of genetic editing for over one hundred years. The United Continental Council (UCC) has prescribed 3 particular allele alterations since Standard Edit 1.0 that works in this meta-analysis explore: enhanced oxygen utilization efficiency, inert atmospheric element scavenging, and the preferential microbiome. These 3 standard edits have been ubiquitous as early champions of the practice of standard genetic editing that swept planet Earth in the early 2,700's, eventually becoming a human right and increasing the standard of living worldwide thanks to global humanitarian efforts. Earlier clinical trials, however, neglected to consider ramifications human edits might have on other species. As a result, the Syndermata clade evolved alongside the genetically modified human. Syndermata now hosts over 300 and counting novel airborne parasitic species that threaten human existence in new ways, with the most typical symptom being shortness of breath due to lung parasitism that can lead to death by suffocation if left untreated. The UCC has since banned standard edits worldwide in an effort to stem continued evolution after attempts to correct the vulnerabilities with subsequent standard edits failed. This meta-analysis further explores the documented failures of The UCC and world governments in controlling continued Syndermata susceptibility by denying responsibility and delaying the advent of the Biodome Era.
Top Degenerates (Breath)
Character
Power Removed
1.) Edgar Flume 80
2.) Garden 63
3.) A pacifist 52
4.) Dimentia_McCrea 48
5.) Annie Baker 46
6.) Vilve Yatchke 45
7.) Nagito Komaeda 41
8.) Liberia Crystal 30
9.) Monognathus 28
10.) Miles 24
"Parliament and Joint Presidents Authorize Aid to Elf-22 Without Earth" Marco Yoshiari, The Merroir Times, 218.0.04.01C*
Starpiercer C-212 has been dispatched to Elf-22 following three consecutive days of silence from Earth. Fearing the worst, Joint Presidents Diesohne and Gnowusu have united Parliament in taking unilateral action to answer Elf-22's call for assistance evacuating. The 200-person crew will no doubt contribute to Cordillera's mounting housing crisis should Parliament choose not to move forward with its plan to house Elf-22's crew on Carousel Station by approving emergency funds for now critical living quarters renovations. Parliament reconvenes after the weekend and it remains to be seen if Carousel Station renovations will appear on the agenda in time to complete renovations before the crew of Elf-22 arrives. Parliamentarians are also under mounting pressure from the Joint Presidents to approve funding for the Slurry River Dam project in light of Cordillera's anticipated long-term energy needs. Parliament recessed late last night after an impassioned 22-hour filibuster by Senator Silters... (AID, continued on page 3)
Top Experience Earners (Career)
Character
Experience Earned
1.) Serena Hasheen 924
2.) GrayScimitar 891
3.) Tullia 829
4.) Dwayne Hicks 825
5.) Isabel Hasheen 793
6.) Signed 779
7.) Aiobhill 759
8.) Vyng 759
9.) Morrighan 752
10.) Mazagor 738
"Rogue Freighter Reaches Carousel Station" Kendra Z., Eagle Star News, 218.0.14.22C*
Carousel Station Captain Jahn Ma-Lahnga allowed an unresponsive freighter from Earth to dock in Carousel Station late Tuesday night, "There's no telling what the situation inside is. The automated docking procedure suggests this vessel wasn't taken off autopilot as it approached Carousel Station, standard procedure prior to establishing communication and authorizing docking. We're monitoring the situation closely, cooperating with Space Security as needed to establish controlled entry or a systems takeover of the freighter. This will not impact our current renovation schedule... (ROGUE, continued on page 3)
Top Demon Killers (Breath)
Character
Demons Killed
1.) Bob Q. Generic 0
2.) Character Name 0
3.) Doc Snuggles 0
4.) EugeneKay 0
5.) CHAOS CHAOS CHAOS 0
6.) A Murderous Ice Cream Truck 0
7.) Baalhrezem 0
8.) Sefah Wefcas 0
9.) Spinosaurus 0
10.) Neo, the Magic Swordsman 0
[Come Hike the Belmont Court Mountains]
Top Door Destroyers (Career)
Character
Doors Destroyed
1.) Mackey 4,183
2.) Rothery 2,318
3.) Yarish 1,989
4.) Killer Bean 1,722
5.) Liemannen 1,671
6.) Black Saphire 1,596
7.) Devlin Bower 1,502
8.) Tyrannicus 1,481
9.) :Ghost: 1,311
10.) Mr Dalliard 1,265
Top Damage Dealers (Breath)
Character
Damage Dealt
1.) Serena Hasheen 832
2.) GrayScimitar 830
3.) Dwayne Hicks 772
4.) Tullia 771
5.) Isabel Hasheen 727
6.) Vyng 709
7.) Mazagor 706
8.) Morrighan 702
9.) Aiobhill 695
10.) Signed 689
"Increased Pressure at Lexington and Slurry River Dam Construction Sites Leads to More Violence" Dilla Von Adams, The Review, 218.0.06.28C*
Continued calls for increased security come after yet another seemingly random act of violence at the Lexington construction site. 32-year old Earl Slurmlin faces 3 years of house arrest after puncturing the Biosuits of 28-year old Field Engineer Bonnie Ritchie and 52-year old Plasmatrician Carroll Steliger, both of which are in stable condition, recovering in Centrum Specialty. Slurmlin was detained before assaulting other construction workers, reportedly intoxicated and denying involvement despite being overpowered and restrained by witnesses. This attack is just the latest in a growing trend of violence and substance abuse at the high-pressure construction sites... (PRESSURE, continued on page 3)
Most Killed Characters (Breath)
Character
No. of Deaths
1.) James Ford 22
2.) a floating terror 17
3.) Geneviève Ghyslaine 16
4.) Edgar Flume 15
5.) Big Boy Bob 14
6.) Liberia Crystal 14
7.) Elska Skapraun 14
8.) Rakhasesh 14
9.) a Gaming Mac 12
10.) a rabid fangirl 11
[Welcome. Affordable Housing Coming to a Dome Near You]
Top Angel Killers (Breath)
Character
Angels Killed
1.) Bob Q. Generic 0
2.) Character Name 0
3.) Doc Snuggles 0
4.) EugeneKay 0
5.) CHAOS CHAOS CHAOS 0
6.) A Murderous Ice Cream Truck 0
7.) Baalhrezem 0
8.) Sefah Wefcas 0
9.) Spinosaurus 0
10.) Neo, the Magic Swordsman 0
"Cordilleran Wetland Plant Adaptations" Exohydrogeology Vol. 563: 353-388 22.1.06.13C*
ABSTRACT: Observed species exhibit a high degree of morphological similarity to the Juncaceae and Cyperaceae families of Earth. Cordilleran species tolerate the highly acidic water (pH = 2.0-3.0) found on Cordillera as well as iron and sulfur levels toxic to plants on Earth. These species appear particularly well adapted to the weathered, sink-hole ridden karst-like topography Cordilleran wetlands have become so well known for throughout the years. In this paper, we explore the finer botanical details of Cordilleran species in an effort to better understand tolerances to these extreme environmental conditions. Further genomic sequencing is recommended to increase the potential for hybridization with Earth food crops.
Most Killed Characters (Career)
Character
No. of Deaths
1.) Kenny McCormick 10,710
2.) Elska Skapraun 5,517
3.) a bag of XP 5,161
4.) An True 3,152
5.) Devlin Bower 2,773
6.) Bob Probert 2,353
7.) the Gulf Oil Spill 2,165
8.) Bugabear 2,070
9.) tastyintestines 1,927
10.) Jean-Baptiste Emmanuel Zorg 1,787
"Little Hope For Refugees" Joshua Thibedeau, The Belken Express, 217.1.06.23E*
Recent trends in Dome contamination continue to rise throughout the globe, as the Eastern Alliance, which has seen contamination in all but 3 Domes (Swanbaljaktaj, Mi-Sin Soo, and Gau) continues to be battered by spikes in infection. With countries dipping into reserve antibiotics to keep up with infection rates while continuing to accept refugees from their hardest hit neighbors, there are undoubtedly dark times ahead. Limbo Station has begun accepting additional refugees as well, accelerating its own capacity schedule. Many are left wondering what implications these recent developments might have on the UCC's ability to adhere to the strict timeline set forth for continued interstellar development. The UCC has so far not commented on whether or not this timeline would be adjusted to make up for recent delays meeting goals... (HOPE, continued on page 10)
Top Angel Killers (Career)
Character
Angels Killed
1.) Quarrel 2,418
2.) Mackey 1,482
3.) Vile Brimstone 1,438
4.) Catvom 1,138
5.) A shadow 1,063
6.) Kiano 830
7.) Tufty, the psychotic squirrel 816
8.) Rothery 751
9.) Liemannen 705
10.) Eliise 616
[Come enjoy the grandure of Upper Panaceae Cruises]
Top Demon Killers (Career)
Character
Demons Killed
1.) Mackey 2,040
2.) Bob Ross 1,440
3.) Skull Face 1,177
4.) Baalberith 1,165
5.) Pharaoh 1,089
6.) Catvom 1,057
7.) Kiano 930
8.) Alyss Kain 926
9.) Eliise 890
10.) Two-Socks 862
"Coraddax Observations IV" Cordillera Exobiology Vol. 3: 351-422 19.0.01.25C
ABSTRACT: Continued Coraddax (C. cerecornibus) observations confirm a simple social hierarchy similar to herd mentality seen among members of the closely related Bovidae family on Earth. However, social interactions observed between individuals suggest interpersonal relations throughout the herd that support the theory of an elevated sense of self relative to similar species seen on Earth, as seen during C. cerecornibus bouts of prolonged eye contact between individuals. Some of these behaviours may have developed due to the long lifespan of C. cerecornibus (approximately 50C*) which does not appear to currently have any known natural predators. These observations could be a result of the enlarged superior colliculus (SC) and its connection to the cerebellum.
Top Lockpickers (Breath)
Character
Locks Picked
1.) Geneviève Ghyslaine 26
2.) Glueman 20
3.) Trashcan Man 1
4.) Bob Q. Generic 0
5.) Character Name 0
6.) Doc Snuggles 0
7.) EugeneKay 0
8.) CHAOS CHAOS CHAOS 0
9.) A Murderous Ice Cream Truck 0
10.) Baalhrezem 0
"Colonization Contenders: Cordillera and Beyond" Astronomy Unlimited Vol. 822: 133-167, 2.0.04.23E*
ABSTRACT: A model based on the Skoronowski Suitability Scale (3S) was applied to 29 exoplanets and exomoons within one light-year. Unlike the 3S, our model is based on biodome engineering suitability of eligible exoplanets and exomoons and their ability to provide raw materials for biodome glass fabrication. Exoplanets and Exomoons with high concentrations of iron in their planetary crust and soil solum are therefore strong contenders for colonization due to their ability to meet the high iron demand of biodome glass production, which would need to be performed locally with highly specialized machinery. Two exoplanets and one giant exomoon were found to be strong candidates for colonization (p<.05) with a third exoplanet, Cordillera, exhibiting significantly higher levels of suitability in our model. (p<.01). Our model examines the deep complexities of site selection within a single light-year's distance of Earth on the exoplanets Cordillera, Antiquity-5, and Emeritus, as well as the giant exomoon Elf-22.
"Second Centennial Collection Foreword" 217.0.01.01C* Swaim Carson
It is my great honor to welcome all of Cordillera to the long awaited Bicentennial Collection! This recurring collection of works is forever dedicated to the lives lost during the Cordillera Centrum Landing. On 17.0.00.00C*, the Cordillera Centrum initiated its one and only landing sequence. Shortly after entering the Cordilleran atmosphere, a part of the Centrum Epsilon hull proved damaged as it broke free from the hull. The landing crew inside sacrificed their lives to maintain proper trajectory and initiate successful embedment for Earth's flagship Centrum. Their sacrifices will never be forgotten, with Centrum Epsilon forever sealed by the first Cordillerans as their final resting place, irreparably damaged during the successful embedment.
Top Crafters (Career)
Character
Items Crafted
1.) Father Christmas 5,909
2.) Deathpoint 4,402
3.) Vy 4,016
4.) Notorious RBG 3,947
5.) Sara 3,885
6.) Martha Stewart 3,680
7.) Tamamo 3,590
8.) Aaida 3,423
9.) Emmett Brown 3,288
10.) a random janitor 3,169
Top Damage Dealers (Breath)
Character
Damage Dealt
1.) GrayScimitar 848
2.) Serena Hasheen 832
3.) Dwayne Hicks 772
4.) Tullia 771
5.) Isabel Hasheen 727
6.) Vyng 709
7.) Mazagor 706
8.) Morrighan 702
9.) Aiobhill 695
10.) Signed 689
Top Electricians (Breath)
Character
Power Restored
1.) a Command and Conquer Engineer 64
2.) Mockfjärdsvapnet 46
3.) Terentia 32
4.) Jardal 30
5.) Doc Savage 28
6.) a recursive cat 24
7.) Elwin Ransom 24
8.) Vandar Adg 23
9.) Mosquito 20
10.) Isdar 19
"Letter to the Editor: Response to 'Beyond Sustainability'" Deep Engineering Vol. 518: 1-4 218.0.01.25C*
Dear Editor, I, like many of my peers, have read the aforementioned text and must voice that now is not the time to publish such radical works. These ideas sow further panic in Cordillera with talks of a cap on affordable housing. Urban sprawl has been planned for nearly a hundred years and affordable housing remains a top issue for Cordillera citizens. The latest economic models show Cordillera will average 6 people per household in one generation following the justified yet not inconsequential naturalization of interstellar laborers. Further, the author's proposed timeline of constructing the Slurry River Dam is simply unrealistic considering rising unrest among construction crews hampering productivity. The author also does little to mention the difficulties in both supplying energy to and constructing a 3rd generation transporter pad for critical transport within the Centrum network for distribution of such vast quantities of perishable goods. Current construction goals may still be largely met if we focus on one project at a time without changing priority halfway through.
Top Pet Killers (Career)
Character
Pets Killed
1.) Nightwielder 6,166
2.) Desmond 5,208
3.) Erduhr-Khazai 4,554
4.) Edgar Flume 3,381
5.) Tadpole- A Tree climbing Catfish 3,370
6.) Monday Before 3,185
7.) Liemannen 2,839
8.) Obliteration 2,624
9.) Bob Ross 2,516
10.) Iðunn 1,993
"The Cordilleran Landscape" Exohydrogeology Vol. 552: 1-112 17.1.06.11C*
ABSTRACT: Our findings confirm leading spectroscopy hypotheses that pyrite (FeS2) dominated iron sulfide rocks constitute the majority of Cordilleran parent material. The iron and sulfur cycles are similar to processes found on Earth, however, the vast wetlands that cover 43% of Cordillera function as deep iron and sulfur sinks unlike anything seen on Earth. The clustered networks of jagged rock outcrops that cover 52% of Cordillera's surface primarily consist of pyrite dominated rocks which typically host natural springs that drive rock decomposition through processes similar to acid mine drainage seen on Earth. There is a need for further work to examine the presence and role of observed extremophiles in acid mine drainage facilitation. This work is dedicated to renowned Geologist Dr. Khorat, who disappeared while contributing to this research.
Top Degenerates (Career)
Character
Power Removed
1.) Ohm von Blackvolt- Hertz 7,847
2.) Bad Horse 4,582
3.) Kenny McCormick 3,668
4.) Karst 2,652
5.) Circle 2,399
6.) Jean-Baptiste Emmanuel Zorg 1,998
7.) Raziel 1,935
8.) Chrigel Glanzmann 1,457
9.) Ed Gruberman 1,428
10.) a crossdressing cannibal 1,381
Second Centennial Collection 217.04.01C*; Original Publishing "Centrums and Colonies Alike!" Kasey Benny, The Daily Lyre, 12.03.22E*
Colony selection has finally finished, with Cordillera and Elf-22 coming out on top as many of you predicted. As of right now, it seems that the colonies will be named after their respective celestial hosts (big thanks to all those who participated in last week's poll and voted 'Domey McDomeface' the #1 result for Biodome names). We still haven't heard much from AdapTech or 0G Corp. on whether or not the Centrum spaceships will have names other than 'Cordillera Centrum'. With at least a year or two of construction left, we might be in for a surprise yet, so head over to our website to submit your entry for our 'Centrum Name' poll! I'm telling you right now, no way is Centrumy McCentrumface going to take the cake this time! Bye for now, and remember, there's no place like dome!
[Your Local Haberdashery - Please come to us for all your genetic editing needs...]
"Beyond Sustainability" Deep Engineering; Vol. 517: 40-73, 218.0.01.22C*
ABSTRACT: Cordillera faces insurmountable challenges. Technology and infrastructure need to be pushed to their limit if we are to thrive in coming years. In this paper, I explore how to stretch not only energy production (116%) but also food production (155%) to meet Cordillera Expedited Sustainability goals on schedule. Recent geotechnical studies show that land immediately northwest of Cordillera once slated for urban expansion can support more weight (198%) than the land currently beneath Cordillera. This paper sets forth technical drawings and explains that rather than construct additional living spaces, focus should now fall on a highly specialized farm dome that utilizes vertical space and ambient lighting for additional food production (300% increased efficiency, p<.05). Furthermore, construction of an additional hydroelectric dam on the Slurry River would be required in support of this project.
Top Healers (Career)
Character
HP Healed
1.) Sofia Piscitelli 152,688
2.) A friendly sorcerer 144,135
3.) R5-D4 87,956
4.) Big Boy Bob 85,925
5.) Manco 83,851
6.) Serena Hasheen 74,601
7.) Special Agent: Kitty-Bat-Kat 74,210
8.) Brother Yngvi 72,068
9.) Janni 70,776
10.) Doc Heywood 57,256
Top Healers (Breath)
Character
HP Healed
1.) Plume 373
2.) Athru 319
3.) Jwari Disruption 314
4.) An True 284
5.) A doctor 282
6.) Eleanor 271
7.) Dashley 239
8.) A Very Annoying Lightspeaker 231
9.) Nissa 230
10.) the elusive Higgs boson 225
Top Experience Earners (Career)
Character
Experience Earned
1.) Serena Hasheen 924
2.) GrayScimitar 909
3.) Tullia 829
4.) Dwayne Hicks 825
5.) Isabel Hasheen 793
6.) Signed 779
7.) Aiobhill 759
8.) Vyng 759
9.) Kassai 755
10.) Morrighan 752
